The worst thing you can say after having an affair

Plus, pics of dogs finding their forever homes No Images? Click here       One of the most common things people say after having an affair is also the absolute worst thing to say: “It was just sex. It wasn’t about you. It meant nothing.” “Saying an affair wasn’t about one’s partner is painful because it’s excruciating to think that you weren’t on your partner’s radar when he or she made that decision,” said Michele Weiner-Davis, a therapist based in Boulder, Colorado. But the truth is, unfaithful partners say it because it’s true. When most people cheat, they don’t have their loved ones on their minds — “They’re thinking with their groins, their hormones, their emptiness or their insatiable sense of attraction,” Weiner-Davis added. An affair doesn’t have to end the relationship. But if you are going to try to work things out, it’s best to avoid saying statements like that one. Here's what you should stay instead. Xo, Ashley Rockman   In case you missed it If you think marriage is all romantic dinners, fabulous getaways and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes, you’re probably not married. The reality is far less glamorous — but no less fun. The 32 tweets in this list accurately describe life as a married person, and they’re funny whether you’re married or not. Ask an expert   A reader writes, “This is an ongoing conversation among my mom friends (we all have kids around 1 year old): When both parents work, what's the best way to divide time spent taking care of the baby? I find it's a constant battle about who wakes up in the night to feed and soothe, who gets up early with the baby, etc. How do you recommend dividing the labor and bringing this up with my husband?” Mabel Yiu, a licensed marriage and family therapist who founded the Women’s Therapy Institute in Palo Alto, California, is here to answer this week’s question. This is what she had to say: “This is a very common topic that comes up during therapy sessions. The discussion will depend on work schedule, physical fatigue level and how the rest of the chores are divided up. The short answer is, there are a few methods: Method A: Alternating. Each person alternates a night to do all the waking up, feeding, burping, diapering, etc. That way, it’s no mistake whose night it is. There are some considerations, such as can the other partner do baby duty for two nights in a row if one partner has a work deadline? This method might be good if partners work in different shifts or have a flexible work schedule. Method B: Tag team. One partner does early night duty and the other partner does early morning duty. When we had our twins, my husband and I tag teamed. My husband went to bed at 8pm-1am while I did the night duty. Then my husband woke from 1am-7am to do the night duty while I snoozed. That way, each partner gets some sleep. Method C: Week split. Some couples split up the week, three days one partner and four days the other partner. This way, each person has a few days to recuperate. I have nurse friends who work three 12-hour shifts, and many find this method useful. Method D: One does all nights, and the other partner does household chores to balance it out. If one partner does all the night duty, it is not fair to have that tired partner cook dinner, do drop off, pick up and many other house chores during the day. When dividing chores, it’s important to think in terms of responsibility rather than tasks. Tasks are minute, whereas responsibilities cover a whole area of functioning. For example, the responsibility of taking care of finances might be paying bills, budgeting, etc. There are other responsibilities that make the household function, the most common are: finances, car maintenance, school/daycare, meals, clothing, family healthcare, etc. Get a piece of paper and write out the large responsibility pieces, then jot down the smaller tasks that correspond with those responsibilities. Discuss who takes care of what. It’s a good idea for couples to switch up the responsibilities. If we get too comfortable in taking care of a certain area, it’s hard for our spouse to take over if we are sick or away. In terms of how to bring it up to your husband, don’t say, ‘I need help.’ Saying that implies it’s your responsibility to begin with and he is just helping. Now is a good time to make ‘me’ into ‘we’ and make childcare a collective responsibility. You can say something like, ‘Our baby needs both parents to take care of him/her. We both work and we are both tired, but let’s do this together. These are the methods, how should we proceed?’” If you have a relationship question that you would like answered in a future newsletter, please e-mail it to us at relationships@huffpost.com.   #TBT If you’re looking for a pick-me-up today, you’ve come to the right place. We compiled photos that capture the magic of dogs finding their forever homes, and they’re as heartwarming as they sound. The pup above is Dusty, and this pic was taken the actual moment his mom, Jessie Ruane, met him at the True North Rescue Mission in New York City. You definitely need to see the rest. Links we love: The Most Popular Wedding Songs, According To Spotify 9 Royal Wedding Traditions and Etiquette You May Not Have Heard Of 8 Ways Sex Changes When You’re Sober    .     HuffPost is now a part of Oath and a part of Verizon. On May 25th 2018 we will be introducing a new Oath Privacy Policy which will explain how your data is used and shared. Learn More. No moon dust. No B.S. Just a completely essential daily guide to achieving the good life. Subscribe here. Like what you see? Share it. Can't get enough? You'll also love HuffPost's Entertainment newsletter. ©2018 HuffPost | 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003 You are receiving this email because you signed up for updates from HuffPost Feedback | Privacy Policy | Unsubscribe      . - - Preferences  |  Unsubscribe