| No Images? Click here   There’s nothing more aggravating to me during an argument than hearing these two little words: “calm down.” If anything, they tend to have the opposite effect. And truth be told, I’m guilty of using them as well.This week, reporter Kelsey Borresen talked to couples therapists about the phrases you should never utter during an argument with a partner, friend, family member or anyone else, for that matter. The expressions range from all-or-nothing phrases like “you never” or “you always” to threatening to leave and name-calling.These are the other phrases you should never say during an argument. And, because I only want the best for you, here’s how persuasive people argue differently.Xo, Ashley Rockman In case you missed it
 Ask an expertA reader writes, “I was in love with a narcissist for over two years. We broke up for good last summer and within a week or two he was engaged to someone else. They have now been married for a couple of months, and last week she reached out to me through text asking if I would validate a call he may have made to me. I know sometimes silence is the best route, but being in her shoes, I feel empathy. As an expert in love, what do you suggest when it comes to exes and their new partners? Should I ignore her inquiries or respond straight forward?”Washington DC-based pyschotherapist Elisabeth J. LaMotte, founder of the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Center, is here to answer this week’s question. Here’s what she had to say:“It is entirely reasonable to communicate with your ex’s concerned wife in this instance, or to ignore her outreach, or tell her directly that you prefer not to communicate. Since you empathize with her, it might be therapeutic to communicate. You will probably discover that the narcissism is weighing on her as it weighed on you. But keep your conversation brief. She may hope that you’ll become her sounding board for navigating the narcissism and that role will not serve you well.“I’m much more concerned with what drew you to the narcissist in the first place and how it affected you to remain in the relationship for two years. Read Margalis Fjelstad’s newly released book Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship: a Caretaker’s Guide to recovery, empowerment, and transformation. Narcissists can be very seductive and lure their partners in with skills of deflection and deception. I’m curious about your patterns in love and relationships. I wonder if you have dated others like him, or if you have a pattern of choosing guys who are not worthy of your emotional energy. I also wonder if you have a pattern of caring for others at the expense of yourself.“The fact that you notice empathy for your ex’s wife and are struggling in earnest with the question of what’s right indicates the strength of your moral compass. I hope, moving forward, that you will choose romantic partners who appreciate your admirable qualities.”If you have a relationship question that you would like answered in a future newsletter, please e-mail it to us at relationships@huffpost.com.
#TBT  Last week, reporter Brittany Wong talked to sex therapists about the mistakes people in their 30s make in the bedroom. If you’re in your 30s now or have moved past those years, these are sure to resonate. Check them out here. Links we love: 
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