|  Dear Good Life readers,I live in Los Angeles and have been non-stop watching the news about the fires ravaging the city right now. My sister and her boyfriend were awoken yesterday morning by neighbors frantically knocking on their door and telling them to evacuate their apartment; they live right by the Getty Center, where four homes have been burned to the ground and 11 others damaged as of this morning. Hundreds of thousands of people have been evacuated in Southern California so far, with over 115,000 acres burned and nearly 200 structures destroyed. It’s incredibly heartbreaking, and when I do turn away from the TV, the smoke and ash in the air are constant reminders of the danger outside our doors.Some of the people interviewed on TV described what they took with them while evacuating: pets, valuables, prescriptions and photos. Photos really touched a nerve with me; in the age of digital everything, it’s easy to forget that some of the most important pics we have are not housed in a Google Drive on our phones. Parents’ and grandparents’ wedding albums, photos of great-grandparents and great-great grandparents, even childhood photos of ourselves. Photos are the way we memorialize our most precious relationships and life experiences. Without them, we lose tangible connections to those memories and people. I think that’s why I love looking at people’s wedding photos, past and present. Here at HuffPost, we have a monthly series called Real Weddings, where we showcase readers’ wedding pics — and by that I mean all kinds of readers and all kinds of weddings, not just the types of grand affairs that grace the pages of leading bridal magazines (check out the latest installment here). If you want to be featured in an upcoming roundup, hashtag your photos #HPrealweddings or email one to us at relationships@huffpost.com and we may feature it on the site.In the meantime, if you live in Southern California, please stay safe out there. I’m keeping you in my thoughts!Love,
Ashley Rockman
Senior Editor, HuffPost Relationships Well, first, in case you’re living under a rock, Prince Harry is engaged to American actress Meghan Markle. (You can keep up with all things royal with a new newsletter launching Saturday; sign up for that below.) But you may have also missed our latest roundup of relatable tweets about marriage, and that’s truly a shame. Peruse those here.
A reader writes, “After a long, long period of celibacy, I met a man on Tinder and had great sex. We decided to meet regularly for sex and to just keep things casual. That arrangement was fine for a while. But now I have feelings for this man and want to have an actual relationship with him. I’m fairly sure he’s been dating and sleeping with other women, which he has every right to do. However, sometimes I sense he might also want more. For example, he invited himself over to my place to keep me company while I decorated my Christmas tree. We ended up spending most of the night curled up together on my couch in front of the fireplace, a very relationship-like evening. But then I go days without hearing from him. How do I turn this casual relationship into something more?”Dr. Kurt Smith, a therapist who specializes in counseling men and the director of Guy Stuff Counseling and Coaching, is here to answer this week’s question. Here’s what he had to say:“First, don't fall for the trap of convincing yourself that you can change him. You can influence, but not change — only he can do that. If he's really not ready to be committed to one person, you can't change that.Second, recognize that you're getting mixed messages. He wants to hang out and decorate the Christmas tree, but then not communicate for days. This is pretty common and usually means he's not ready for something more. So what's with the inviting himself over? It's likely just due to having extra time on his hands, feeling lonely, the influence of the Christmas season, or maybe he likes you but is afraid to commit to more.Lastly, don't personalize his lack of interest as meaning you're not good enough. It's most likely all about him in his either not being ready or still wanting to pursue the thrill of the chase. A lot of men are hooked on the chemical rush of meeting someone new and getting that person into them, and then they just want to do it again with someone else.Keeping all of this in mind, you can try two approaches — talk or pursue. Ask him if he's interested in spending more time together. Have some conversation about what you each think that would look like. Be sure to bring up the conflicting messages you've been getting so he knows that has to change. Or you could do what he did and just start to invite yourself into his life. This one's a little more risky though and not the best way to lay the foundation for building a relationship. I'd go with the first approach, but be conscious of the fact that a lot of men are afraid of having the ‘relationship talk,’ so keep it short and light to start.”If you have a relationship question that you would like answered in a future newsletter, please e-mail it to us at relationships@huffpost.com.   That’s my sister Haley on the right, the one who got evacuated yesterday morning. In the middle is Allie, my youngest sister, and I’m on the left. I’m throwing it back to the mid ‘90s because this is one of the pics that came to mind when we published 11 Reasons Middle Children Are Secretly The Best a few weeks ago (Haley sure was pleased). Here’s what Phoebe Fox, one of the middle children featured in our article, had to say:“Middle children get a bad rap as the bad seed or troublemakers. There’s this idea that we act out and rebel in a desperate bid to be noticed for something, even if it’s negative. Studies have even suggested it. But to present the other side of that argument, as middle children are wont to do — often, we don’t actually tend to be troublemakers. Just the opposite, at least in my experience: We’re the delicious calm center; the mediator, the bridge over troubled waters (where, by ‘troubled waters,’ I mean our older and younger siblings), the proverbial Buddhist ‘middle way.’ We’re the median child ― not too extreme on either end. We’re the ‘just right’ Goldilocks of birth orders.” Read the full story here.  No moon dust. No B.S. Just a completely essential daily guide to achieving the good life. Subscribe here. Like what you see? Share it.©2017 HuffPost | 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003
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