No Images? Click here If you’ve ever thought to yourself that a friend has changed since getting married — or that you, yourself feel different now that you’ve put a ring on it — you were onto something. New research out of the University of Georgia found that couples experience significant personality changes during the first year and a half of marriage.On the rosier side of things, husbands became more conscientious and wives became less anxious, depressed and angry. But there were also some not-so-great personality changes, too.Do you agree with the findings or disagree? Do you find them to be true in your own life? Check out the report here.Xo, Ashley RockmanIn case you missed it
Ask an expertA reader writes, “One my close friends has had really terrible luck with dating. She'll go on a few dates with someone and get ghosted or have short-term relationships that last a couple months. She'll tell me how frustrated she is, especially as all her close friends are in serious relationships or getting married. I'm not sure what words of encouragement I can say to her at this point; I want to support her but not say anything that's cliche or overly optimistic, like ‘There is definitely someone out there for you!’ What do you suggest?”Mabel Yiu, a licensed marriage and family therapist who founded the Women’s Therapy Institute in Palo Alto, California, is here to answer this week’s question. This is what she had to say:“It’s fantastic that you want to support your friend. Good idea to steer clear from overtly positive comments if that’s not what you want to say. Besides, deep down nobody really buys them anyway. You could start a man-bashing session and talk about how crappy guys are, but that’s not helpful either. Encouragement is meant to instill confidence and hope, and it can be as subtle as, ‘I believe love happens at the most unexpected time with an unexpected person. Take a break but don’t give up.’ If you truly got nothing, the best you can do is to be authentic and say something like: ‘Gosh, this sounds really frustrating. I don’t have an answer for you, but I am here for you.’ And don’t ghost her.In my experience, usually, there is a part two to this. After the initial frustration sizzles, women oftentimes become self-critical when they get ghosted or have a series of short flings that don’t last. Sometimes they even want feedback from friends about what they are doing wrong. Giving input is harder than giving encouragement. In case she solicits advice from you, here is something to do and say —De-personalize it. Don’t say, ‘I think they ghost because you do XYZ.’ You don’t know for sure if it’s all because of her XYZ behavior. It’s direct blame that can get your friend defensive. Instead, find a reputable article about why men ghost, the article should name a few key things, ranging from the type of guys she is meeting to behaviors that men are not attracted to. Ask her which one she identifies with the most. Usually, a good conversation can come from it.”#TBT The first year of marriage isn’t all champagne dinners and romantic weekend getaways. Like everything else in life, sometimes it involves changed plans and less-than-ideal circumstances. Earlier this year, we asked HuffPost readers to submit a photo that accurately sums up their first year of marriage, and this was one of my favorites. Read the story behind the pic and see the rest of them.Links we love: HuffPost is now a part of Oath and a part of Verizon. On May 25, 2018 we introduced a new Oath Privacy Policy which will explain how your data is used and shared. Learn More.No moon dust. No B.S. Just a completely essential daily guide to achieving the good life. Subscribe here. Like what you see? Share it.Can't get enough? You'll also love HuffPost's Entertainment newsletter.©2018 HuffPost | 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003 |
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