| No Images? Click here   We’ve interviewed couples about what it’s like to be in an open relationship, but it’s rare we hear about what it’s like to date someone in an open relationship.Despite popular misconceptions, open relationships aren’t just about sex, and neither are “secondary” relationships, as they’re called in the poly community. As Marta, 28, explains it:“I was initially very apprehensive as I thought there were lot of ways this could go wrong. In the past two years I found that this relationship is, in many ways, the best I have ever been in ...The aspects I miss the most are the emotional support, to have someone to lean on, and the social recognition or validation, since I’m ‘officially’ single. There are benefits that compensate me for these, though, like not being tied to a place, not having to deal with the bulk of my partner’s emotional needs, no in-laws, no guilt for focusing on my career etc.”We talked to Marta and four others about their experiences dating someone in an open relationship. Here’s what they had to say.Xo, Ashley Rockman In case you missed it
 Ask an expertA reader writes, “How do I maintain/salvage a relationship with my husband post-baby when we’re both exhausted mentally and physically all the time, which results in tensions being high?”Marriage and family therapist Spencer Northey of the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Center answers this week’s question. Here’s what he had to say:“The work needed to ‘maintain’ a relationship under stress is usually quite different than the work needed to ‘salvage’ a relationship in need of repair. Let’s start with some basic maintenance.Maintenance: One key to marital maintenance is asking for help. If you can afford a weekly babysitter, this will free up your physical and emotional energy for some time to reconnect as a couple. You can also reach out to trusted friends and family. During the early stages of parenthood, extra help with child care may be as valuable to your relationship as couples therapy.Seeking support from other mothers with children around your child’s age will also help you maintain your marriage. It is incredibly helpful to develop these connections and commiserate about your shared trials and tribulations. Mothers often find that they return from such experiences feeling relieved and rejuvenated. Breastfeeding centers, healthcare providers, and meetup.com are great sources to determine which group is right for you.Repair: Even with more help, moments of conflict are inevitable. You are both physically and emotionally overwhelmed. I do not know of any couple that makes it through the “fourth trimester” without a few hurtful, regrettable exchanges. Researchers John and Julie Gottman have studied relationships for over 30 years and discovered that satisfied couples maintain a ratio of positive to negative interactions at 5-to-1. The good news is that couples can endure many negative incidents as long as there are enough positive interactions to offset them. So if you lash out at your partner under stress, look for ways to repair the damage by increasing positive interactions.It also never ever hurts to say, “I’m sorry.” Even if your part in the relational tear is quite small, a willingness to own and describe what you wish you had done differently will typically pitch to the best in your partner and inspire them to do the same. If these steps do not bring relief, a skilled couples therapist can help the two of you adjust to the demands of parenthood. Remember, it is in your baby’s best interest that the two of you have a solid relationship, so prioritizing your marriage benefits everyone.”
#TBT  There’s nothing like checking your work schedule in bed to really put you in the mood… just kidding. Marriage therapists identified seven common bedtime habits that can hurt your sex life. Check them out.  Links we love: 
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