| No Images? Click here  Last week’s newsletter on getting kids to listen churned up a LOT of discussion from you all. I gotta say, it was oddly comforting to hear your similar stories.Although I got a TON of emails with tips — more on that in the coming weeks, promise— I received a few emails from people that really made me think. One such note was from Kirsten Siggins, a longtime executive coach who, after hearing from executives that they didn’t know how to listen to their colleagues, also turned her attention to parent coaching. Toronto-based Siggins essentially found that these leaders needed help, and a lot of the skills they lacked started in childhood.I briefly spoke with Siggins, a mom of an 11-year-old and 13-year-old, about her tips and tricks. Essentially, Siggins summed the issue up as this: “The struggle is that we are never *taught* to listen, we are just *told* to listen.” She argues that we need to learn to listen to understand, rather than to fix and solve.So how does that apply to parenting? When kids feel seen, heard and understood, it will be easier for them in both and the long and short term to do the same in conversations and in crisis moments (which will, of course, teach them empathy, patience and understanding). This goes without saying, and is a hell of a lot easier said than done, but: Be present so you can listen and process information. Take stock, Siggins suggests, of your emotional triggers. Are you sensitive to time? Are you needing respect to function? If the latter, then you’ll be triggered every time you feel disrespected. So figure out what your triggers are and put up boundaries when those are tested.For instance, when triggered, you might say something like “You shouldn’t be doing this!” or “Why aren’t you listening?” Instead, try “When I hear xyz, it makes me feel xyz.” Next she suggests asking open-ended questions, i.e. “What do you need?” “How can I help?” “Help me understand.” By shifting the focus away from yourself and onto your child — by adding a who/what/when/why/how in front of something — it gets them to feel seen and heard.Come up with family values as a parenting unit, whatever that looks like to you. One value could be to keep kids safe; another could be showing unconditional love; another could be respect; and so on. Come up with what those values are as a unit so you’re holding that value accountable, not the person, which will help sidestep issues (obviously not all the time) down the line.It’s been said before, but what Siggins told me is worth repeating, “You cannot control the chaos, you can only control how we show up to the chaos.”Godspeed parents, and I’ll be sharing more tips and advice soon!
For when your kid is keeping you awake Episiotomies— or vaginal cutting during childbirth —are no longer performed routinely, but they're still shockingly common. Our Senior Reporter Catherine Pearson spoke to women about their experiences, and OBs about what to know (and how to advocate for yourself) before you give birth.  More stories from the trenches: 👋You may have noticed our website is now www.huffpost.com. Don't worry, it'll still be the same HuffPost you know and love, just with a new URL. Make sure to update your bookmarks! HuffPost is now a part of Verizon Media Group. On May 25, 2018 we introduced a new Privacy Policy which will explain how your data is used and shared. Learn More.A guide to helping you raise the kind of person you'd like to know. Love what you see? Send it to a friend. Did someone forward this email? If so, subscribe here. Can't get enough? Check out (In)formation and The Good Life. |
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