|   In case you missed it, a 22-year-old photographer wrote about her date and subsequent sexual encounter with the actor and comedian, Aziz Ansari. The photographer, referred to only as “Grace,” described a night in which Ansari repeatedly escalated a sexual situation, allegedly barreling past Grace’s verbal and nonverbal cues that signaled she felt uncomfortable. When the story published last weekend there was a tsunami of internet reaction, many taking Grace's side, others questioning whether the encounter was in fact harassment. It would be easy to look at the Ansari story and dismiss it as the #MeToo movement run amok. Ansari’s alleged misconduct is not the same as Harvey Weinstein’s ― or Matt Lauer’s or Charlie Rose’s or Kevin Spacey’s or Roy Moore’s or Louis C.K.’s. But if the movement is going to amount to sustained culture change, we need to have complicated conversations about sex that is violating but not criminal. So argues Emma Gray, a HuffPost reporter who wrote a personal story in reaction to the Ansari story. How did this story come about? Whose idea was it? How did it take shape?
After the Aziz Ansari story came out over last weekend, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I started talking to a lot of the women in my life and realized that so many of us had stories that sounded similar to the account published. So much of the conversation was focusing on whether or not Ansari had committed a crime, and whether or not Babe should have published the piece. I was interested in using the account as a jumping off point for a different discussion, and since I seemed to have a lot of internal feelings on the matter, I thought I’d try to write them down. I spent Monday doing that. and then my editors gave instrumental feedback on Tuesday when we were all back at work.What was the hardest thing about reporting, writing or editing this piece?
I wasn’t sure whether to include my own (very) personal experiences in the piece. It’s not something I normally like to do, and often I think making yourself a part of the story can feel like an overshare or not actually serve the narrative. But in this case, I’m glad I did, and I’m glad that my editors and peers who read it encouraged me to keep that stuff in. What did you expect to find? What surprised you?When I started putting my thoughts together, I honestly wasn’t quite sure what I would conclude. I was surprised to find that there was quite a bit of research that explicitly addressed the way gender interacts with the way we indicate a refusal in sexual situations, and that research ended up really bolstering the argument I made in the essay.Did you learn anything that might be useful to other writers or reporters?
In the words of editors everywhere: Trust your voice. What do you think readers should take away from this story?
I hope the piece makes people want to have these murky conversations -- about sexual dynamics and sex that isn’t criminal but may still feel violating -- in their offline lives. The reckoning we’re going through was never going to be easy or messy, but if we are brave enough to interrogate our own experiences and behaviors, maybe the culture will change for the better. The internet's best stories, and interviews with the people who tell them.Did you like reading this email? Forward it to a friend. Or sign up! Can't get enough? Check out our Morning Email. ©2018 HuffPost | 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003
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