| No Images? Click here  Last week I talked to an expert about handling discipline with our kids. This week, I’m highlighting reader responses, which are equally enlightening and useful.Here they are, edited and in brief. Go team go!“Speak in a whisper. Sometimes offer something as a good surprise - in a whisper… They will learn to listen.”“I'm an enormous believer in [the book] Love & Logic. We’re not a religious family, and I find sometimes it has some religious overtones, but I love it. The basics of it is: how do you make sure your kids own their own problems? Not listening is only your problem because you have decided to own it. But what is the consequence of them not listening? Is it really that they’re not listening or is it that they’re not obeying? Are you asking them to obey, rather than expecting them to? Are you giving them the choice to not obey?It gave me some wonderful phrases to use, such as 'My ears can’t hear whiney voices.' Or, 'I would love to play Playdoh with you right now, but I don’t have any energy left because I had to pick up the clothes that I told you to pick up and that you did not. If you want to help me get back some energy, you could take out the kitchen trash [or whatever action is appropriate for the age]. Then I could have more energy to play with you.' An even better version of that last one is to not even suggest a chore, but leave it to them to figure it out: 'If you want to help me get back some energy, what do you think you should do?'"“I live and die by 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan. Everyone knows what’s expected and it’s so easy in the heat of the moment. I hardly get to two anymore. I know some people think that counting is for suckers, but if you’re consistent with consequences (in our case, a 2-minute time out) it works like a charm. Everyone gets a short reset and we’re back to enjoying our time together.” More on the book here.“One of the things I've been doing lately is taking them out separately and just talking, or asking open-ended questions, to try and siphon out what is going on with them individually that's making them resist. It's not a fool-proof method but it's worth a shot.”“Depending on circumstances, I whisper something like ‘whoever does the xyz can have xyz.’ Oftentimes it would be with an earlier in the day promise of a special something (extra story at bedtime, etc.) if they listened better for the entire day. Usually a few reminders during the day, ‘Wow, I guess you’re not really interested in reading that extra story before bed tonight. Oh well…’ would get them back on track. Sometimes if I had asked and it didn’t happen, I would just let it be. Then the next time they wanted something from me I would say ‘no thank you. I asked you earlier to do xyz but you never did. So now I don’t think I’m going to do anything extra for you, because you didn’t respect my request earlier. If you finish xyz, come back and let me know. Then we can talk about what you want me to do for you.’”"A skill I don’t think is covered in the ‘How to Talk' books, is to problem solve with children. This means including children in finding a solution to both our problems. I suspect that when parents lay down the law and tell children what to do, children will naturally resist (as do adults!). We, as parents, resist their resistance . . . and on it goes, until shortly we are all yelling at each other. When we resolve conflict so that nobody feels like they lose, then children and parents feel as though they have each been considered and cared for."If you have any tips, or questions you want answered, you can always reach me at katea@huffpost.com.
LOL  Awwww  A photographer deserves the granddaughter of the year award for the surprise 60th wedding anniversary photo shoot she pulled off for her grandparents.For when your kid is keeping you awake The Fourth of July is here, which means, of course, so is grilling season. For those of us who are a bit skittish about their ability to cook meats, read this handy guide about how to handle it, courtesy of food safety experts.  More stories from the trenches: 👋You may have noticed our website is now www.huffpost.com. Don't worry, it'll still be the same HuffPost you know and love, just with a new URL. Make sure to update your bookmarks! HuffPost is now a part of Verizon Media Group. On May 25, 2018 we introduced a new Privacy Policy which will explain how your data is used and shared. Learn More.A guide to helping you raise the kind of person you'd like to know. Love what you see? Send it to a friend. Did someone forward this email? If so, subscribe here. Can't get enough? Check out (In)formation and The Good Life. |
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